THE CONVERSATION WITH GOD
It wasn't my imagination. It was real, at least real to me. I heard the sound of His voice. My eardrums rumbled, and His Son hung there before me with His arms savagely spread on the cross of condemnation. The image of the event that changed the world forever has been burned into my memory and now I am a living witness. "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16 KJV)
Dreams
Some would argue and say, "It's just an hallucination brought on by stress or medication." Maybe. But even so, I could not ignore it. Why would I? It was the Voice of perfect Agape love in my brain. I welcomed it.So what will I ask? I had a terrific dream the night before. I thought it was a great birthday present. I have always cherished my dreams, at least the good ones, because I'm not paralyzed in them. And if it's a lucid dream, where I have some control, it's better still. I thought this was a "safe" subject to address. I didn't know if any other questions were "off limits". (click) So I asked the Holy Presence, "What are lucid dreams?" He spoke, "Lucid dreams are the Holy Spirit, man." If I had known His Word better at the time, I wouldn't have to ask the question. "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions" (Joel 2:28 NIV) His answer surprised me because He used modern vernacular. Why? I shouldn't expect King James language. After all, He was speaking to a baby boomer. He was only speaking my language. If I was a woman, He might have said, "Lucid dreams are the Holy Spirit, woman." So there's no way to tell why He used this particular language. He could have had a higher purpose. Maybe He was driving home the fact that He is God and I am just a man. In any case, He made me feel so at ease. I was talking to my God, my Father, my Friend.
The Breath Of Heaven I couldn't bring myself to ask why I was disabled. After all, my life is His to use as He pleases. And my conditition seemed so insignificant now having seen how Christ suffered. The spotless Lamb, slain for our sin. There were a few other exchanges between us but I don't remember them exactly. My thoughts grew silent for a moment, then the miraculous occurred. He softly said, "Get ready..." and as I laid there in silent serenity, I felt a breath across my right cheek. Not from the cross, for that image was after He had given up His Spirit. His lips never moved. It came from beside me, as though He was standing right there with me. I felt as though I would melt. Who am I that He would visit me this way? Without warning, the vision changed perspective. Now, instead of a frontal view of the crucifixion, I saw the scene from above. There I saw so clearly that dreadful crown of thorns. Then He spoke His final words to me. "Remember Jesus and the cross, Jesus and the cross, Jesus and the cross..." And His voice trailed away. I pleaded, Please don't leave! Please don't leave! but there was no response. My ears became filled with the tears that poured from my eyes. This visitation from the Everlasting had filled me with a joy so full, so complete, I could not contain it! It was not a drug induced "high". My head wasn't spinning. It was humility. I am no one and yet, the Creator, as I believe He exists, came to me. You may call it an hallucination or some psychotic event. To me it was as real as the air I breathe!
Who To Tell?
I laid there in silence, except for the whooshing of the respirator, and tried to come to terms with the events that had just occurred. Why did He come to me? What can I learn from this? Should I tell anyone? I ended up telling my wife and a good friend. And just the retelling of it stirred my emotions and brought me to tears. Then it just sat in my soul, burning my heart, until 11 months later when He began visiting my dreams. I feel too unworthy to speak of it publicly, but I felt I had to tell more people. How can I share this without people thinking I'm out of my mind or trying to lift myself up? That is why I created this web site. It is not for myself. Apart from God, I am nothing. It is for the glory and wonder of God. He is still moving among the believers and His love for us is far beyond our ability to conceive.